Mediation and Domestic Abuse: Ensuring Safety, Support and Empowerment

Mediation is a constructive way to resolve disputes, offering a confidential space for open communication and mutual agreement. The mediator helps disputing parties reach a mutually acceptable agreement. It is typically less adversarial than court proceedings and can be quicker and less costly. Mediation encourages cooperation and empowers individuals to make decisions that best suit their needs. However, when domestic abuse is involved, the dynamics change significantly, raising important questions about the appropriateness and safety of mediation in such cases.

If you’ve experienced domestic abuse or coercive control, the idea of sitting in the same room – or even on the same video call – as your ex-partner can understandably feel overwhelming or unsafe. At SFMS, we want to reassure you that your safety and comfort are always our top priority, and that mediation is still possible, with the right approach. If you’d like to speak to us in confidence or make a referral, click here.

Mediation offers flexible, secure options that can help you resolve matters such as child arrangements or financial issues, without ever having to be in the same space – physical or virtual – as the other person.

The Challenges of Mediation in Domestic Abuse Cases

Domestic abuse introduces complex dynamics that can undermine the fairness and effectiveness of mediation. Here are some key challenges that our mediators work with:

1. Power Imbalances: Domestic abuse often involves significant power imbalances, where one party may exert control over the other.  This can make it dificult for the survivor to negotiate freely and fairly.
2. Safety Concerns: The safety of parties is paramount. Mediation requires both parties to be in the same space, which can be intimidating and unsafe for the survivor.
3. Emotional Trauma: The emotional trauma experienced by victims of domestic abuse can hinder their ability to participate effectively in mediation. The process may retraumatise them, making it hard to focus on resolution.

When to Avoid Mediation

There are situations where mediation is not appropriate:

1. Ongoing Abuse: If significant abuse is ongoing, the mediator is likely to deem mediation unsuitable. Immediate legal intervention might be necessary to protect the victim.
2. Coercion: If there is any form of coercion or pressure on the victim to participate in mediation, it should not proceed. Genuine consent is crucial for mediation to be effective
3. High-Risk Scenarios: High-risk scenarios, such as severe physical violence or threats, require immediate legal action rather than mediation.

When Mediation Can Be Beneficial

Despite these challenges, mediation can be beneficial in certain circumstances:

1. Voluntary Participation: Mediation is voluntary. If both parties genuinely consent to the process and feel safe, mediation can provide a platform for healing and resolution
2. Supportive Environment: Our mediators are trained in handling domestic abuse cases and use their skills to create a supportive environment, ensuring that the survivor’s needs are met and their safety is maintained.
3. Empowerment: Mediation can empower survivors by giving them a voice and control over the outcome, unlike court proceedings where decisions are imposed on them.

How a mediator determines suitability

Before any mediation process begins, we carry out a thorough individual assessment with each party. This is called a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting). During your MIAM, you’ll have a confidential space to share your experience, voice any concerns, and talk about what you need to feel safe.

We will never proceed with mediation if we believe it would put you at risk or if you do not feel comfortable continuing. But for many people, particularly when the abuse has stopped but contact is still required for co-parenting or legal matters, there are safe and structured ways to engage in mediation that don’t require direct contact.

What measures can be put in place to ensure safety

With online mediation, you can take part from the comfort and safety of your own location, whether that’s at home or another private space. You and your ex-partner will be on the same video call, with the mediator present.

Separate “waiting rooms” are used in the virtual space, so you only join when the mediator is present. Throughout the session, the mediator can use these separate virtual spaces at any point for breaks or pauses if you feel overwhelmed. Online mediation has become a valuable tool for empowering people to have their say in a safe environment, without the added stress of being face-to-face.

If being on the same video call feels unsafe or too distressing, we offer shuttle mediation. In shuttle mediation, you and your ex-partner are never in the same room or on the same screen. The mediator “shuttles” between you, relaying messages, proposals, and feedback from one to the other. This allows a complete separation, and allows time and space for parties to think clearly without pressure.

Who makes the decisions

The mediator might deem mediation unsuitable based on their knowledge and expertise. However, if they deem it suitable, you are in control. At SFMS, we never pressure anyone to mediate. If it’s not right for you, that’s okay. But many people find that with the right structure and support, they can resolve ongoing issues safely, without having to go through court.

Throughout mediation you are in control of all decisions that are reached. The mediator is there to support you both and facilitate a productive conversation, but they do not make any decisions for you.

We work with survivors of domestic abuse regularly and understand the importance of taking things at your pace, providing clear boundaries, and respecting your safety and choices at every step.

If you’re unsure whether mediation is possible in your situation, please get in touch with us for a confidential and no-pressure chat. We are here to support you, not judge you – and to help you find a path forward that works for you.